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Monday, 14 May 2012

Adrenaline Junkie

I never know where things are going at times. I crave excitement, the new, and the unfamiliar. Life has been good and steady, but I want some fast action.

I want faster changes. I want something dramatic.

I might go 180 and quit my job and get into teaching. I am learning that time and money is not an excuse to not do what you want right now. I fear I will live a life of regret.

I love kids and I love mentoring people. I love connecting with people.

I hate looking at part numbers, CBOMs, AVL, and coordinating projects.

I believe in life you need to make enough money to sustain ur passions or just work in your field of passion and say fawk it.

I want more of life. I need to live more. I don't live enough. The days are getting ripped out of my hands.

I dont have coffee with enough people. I dont spend enough time with family. I dont read enough books. I dont relax and enjoy the moment enough. I dont sit in His presence enough. I am focusing too much on getting the things of the world, I am forgetting to enjoy the things I have.

I wish we all lived genuine lives. I wish we would inspire one another. I wish I would be the man I was meant to be. Today.

Thursday, 03 May 2012

Surprises

You think you know someone and they surprise you.

Can you imagine a girl like this...

write words like this...

"I think the moment of clarity came to me when I woke up from a deep slumber, recalling no dreams but only fragments of what had transpired the night before. And instead of feeling fresh and rejuvenated, I felt regret and humiliated at the person I'd become, for no longer was my will in control of my vices. And for all the advices I'd doled out to the various people of my past about maintaining focus, I couldn't even focus my pupils to recall the faces of last night, the numbers on my cell or how in the hell I'd even gotten home.

And that's a damn shame, when you wake up and you can't recall your lifelong dream, and it seems like it's been forever and a day since you believed in something more than a retail store, or felt something more than alcohol as it pours down your esophagus. And you wonder if there is a difference between you and a mummy in a sarcophagus because all that's left is just a vessel that contains nothing more than stories of the past and no vision of the future."

She is one of those girls in there. I hid her identity hopefully. She might kick my ass for stealing photos off her fb, but oh well haha. I have known this girl for about 4 years, I think, off and on. Partied with her like no other, but I never really got to know her. I have been chatting with her a bit recently because she is pretty witty. I enjoy a girl with some wit. We exchanged some words for the night and she shared me her blog and I was blown away. This whole time she had all this depth and I thought she was like every other girl in San Jose. I won't put all the blame on me since she fails to show more than the party girl side.

People have depth. Everyone does. You just gotta dig sometimes.

Tuesday, 01 May 2012

Words of Affirmation

i love seeing u live your life

you're fuckin awesome

n u know it too, but u don't act like a dick

Sometimes you need a reminder. :) You're awesome too!

Thursday, 26 April 2012

Wedding Photos

I wonder how it feels to be in your wedding photo and know you have looked better.

I am pretty insecure about my looks and I wonder if people compare themselves especially on days where there pictures are almost immortalized.

I would hit the gym like crazy if I knew I was about to get married. But I think I worry about things that dont matter.

As long as they love each other, they say. As long as they are happy, they say.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

Stratifications

I read into things too much. It may be my downfall one day. I got 250+ Fb happy birthday wishes. I got 30+ fan signs and the majority of all the people I love came out to San Jose for a quick dinner at Santana Row.

With this, I still look back at some of the friends I lost along the way. A majority of my high school friends didn't wish me happy bday. These were the people I thought I would be friends forever but we have drifted very far apart. And a lot of my closest Christian friends from college didn't wish me happy birthday.
I do not know why. But I guess there is that stage in between the people you see every day and complete strangers. People that use to be close in your life but now are a bit distant. Somehow people just drift away.

Weddings are coming. And by the buttloads. It honestly is the second wave of weddings. Approaching 26 now, a whole 'nother set of my friends are getting married. Not everyone is invited to each wedding. People that you thought was close friends arent so close anymore. I know money is tight, seating is limited, and if you invite this person do you have to invite this other person situation, but I am keeping track.

To me, saying I am not inviting you to my wedding is simultaneous as saying as I move into my next stage of my life, I don't think I want you there or I don't think you will play a significant part.

But this is normal. Relationships cant always stay the same. People grow. People change.

And some things in the pasts aren't worth looking for. And some relationships in the past were better in your memories than they actually were.

Thank you for all the fansigns and birthday wishes. I am finally hitting my quarter life crisis. I am a year late. Asking myself, where do I go from here and who should I take with me?