Eating Pho is one of my favorite things to do on a cold day, the morning after drinking, and when I am sick. Hell, I love getting Pho most the time.  For those that are not Asian, Pho is basically Vietnamese Noodle Soup.  Pho is to Vietnam as Pad Thai is to Thailand.  It is one of those dishes that everyone has tried when they say that have had Vietnamese food.  

Vietnamese noodles are messy.  You have your noodles, your veggies, and the meat.  Also I like to dab some hoisin sauce mixed with siracha as I eat it too.  The problem lies that it is very hard to eat these noodles and add all the goodies in one bit for me unless I slurp.   I will blame my parents for this one because I have never been called out on it until I ate with my very well to do coworker.   While eating with her, she would spin her chopsticks round and round and place it in her spoon.   Carefully choose a slice of meat and some veggies.  Dip her chopstick into the sauce bowl.  Add some soup into her spoon and then put the petite bite into her mouth.  She would do this again and again through our meal.  

If I did not slow down my eating, I would have been done before she finished her 3rd or forth bite.  I am borderline serious.  

What I have learned is that the way she sees me eating my noodles tells her a story of my upbringing and my values.  I think this is silly, but there is definitely some merit behind those statements.  I have learned that I am finally starting to view and see other's mannerisms in certain lights as well.  I don't like it when people do not call or text you back.  I don't like it when people make plans and change last minute. I don't like it when people do not say thank you if you pay for a meal.  I don't like it when people wear white socks to any formal get together.  

What are some mannerisms you don't like and what are you guilty of?

One day I might stop slurping my noodles.  Until then, omnomnomnom.  

"Hi," she texted me early in the morning.  

It was not a simple text that says Hi, but a giant ridiculous emoticon/image with a picture of a bunny saying HI out of his giant white mouth.  I was so caught off by the whole thing that my mind regressed back into my former self and I almost texted her, "Hey Babe." 

But the realization that things have shifted far from those former days quickly snap me back into reality as I make my morning commute to work.  

I have thought about it greatly, the whole thing about being friends with your ex.  And there is something even honorable and impressive about it even though there really should not be, kind of like how we automatically think teachers are better people than people that work in corporate America.   

And I have asked around on couples that have broken up, people that I look up to.  And there was one person that was able to be best friends with her ex after they broke up.  And for two years they were friends with no strings attached, but that quickly changed when she found the boyfriend that she would soon to marry.  Weeks after her new relationship,  the friendship she had with ex became almost non-existent.

But the thing with comfort is it quickly falls back into place if you let it.  The conversation from a bystander's point of view almost seemingly seems like the conversation of an aged couple with witty remarks, slight jabs, and deep laughs, of two people that understood the rhythms and flows of one another, knowing when to give and take.

You realize the slight joy in your heart creeping up inside you and you can't help but smile as you speak to an old familiar friend.   Logic kicks in and you begin the next pause of the conversation with what you know will end the merriment, cutting off the first taste of the morphine drip 4 months down that you told yourself you would deny.

"How are you and James? You guys celebrate your 3 month?"

This will be the death blow.  Awkwardness will ensue. Yes, let's talk about your new boyfriend.

She answers with another emoticon with a bunny saying, "GOOD!" and states they celebrated with a simple lunch.  To your amazement, somehow she continues the flow of the conversation as if she simply told you how the weather was, and you continue the conversation because you have been a chameleon always in your life reflecting the aura and atmosphere of any room or setting. Her ease at which she talks to you continues to move you forward and deeper into the conversation. You remember that you always loved her ability to have the world love her with such ease, while you work to build deep relationships with everyone around you.   

The conversation dwindles down and you wish each other the best and say things like let's grab lunch sometime hoping the other will not really follow through, the same way we ask people "how's it going," but not really caring about their reply.  

The night comes and finally you lay in your queen size bed.  A long day's work gave you barely enough time to reflect if you had dinner or not.   The extra space in the bed reminds you of the conversations earlier in the day.  The only thing you know that will help you sleep at night is if you empty your thoughts and pour the words out.  You realize that its 2 am and that it is 2013.  There is nothing to really look back on now.  Any semblance of a friendship will need to be forged months or years from now.  When circumstances completely shift, maybe you will run into each other at a small cafe or a bookstore hardly recognizing each other. And when you do finally recognize each other, you will smile, the same very smile you smiled this morning, a smile of familiarity and comfort.  

2013,

You sonuvabitz!  Lets not waste each others' time.  I want a new job, sexier body, deeper relationships with my friends that matter,  and maybe some nice travels and surprises along the way.  I promise you I will give you my very best and will not waste time as well.   Game on!  

David, 

You stupid sonuvabitz.  You are not 21 anymore and even if you were you dont have time to waste.  Unless you truly want to live as a vagabond traveling through peru, then your arse needs to kick it into high gear and start churning again.

You tried that abstinent thing already.  The all or nothing approach to the pleasures of this world and that will not work for you.  You last for about 3 months tops and then you binge on the indulgences of the worlds.

Lets go with moderation.   Try you dummy it will work.

You aren't a greek god and your body hates you.  Stop forcing it to run 10Ks and 15Ks without training.  You notice how your foot still hurts 2 weeks after because your dumass thought you can run 15K without any form of training.  Sure you finished it no sweat, but how does walking like a gimp feel?  Actions have repercussions and there is something to be said about preparation.

You remember those corny quotes you keep in your pocket to sound witty.  Yes that one.  Success is when preparation meets opportunity.  So prepare!  

Finally, spend more time with family.  Your immediate family.  They won't always be there.

Love you,

The Asshole that got you into this mess

We Ride together
We Survive together

PS. Dont forget to have fun on your way to the top.  And always, always wear a suit!

I can't sleep because I have not blogged in so long.  I figured I would blog at work and get paid to do it, but my mind is running from all the things that have occurred on my 13 day vacation.  Heading back to work tomorrow is not the business and I am scared of what is lingering in my work email when I finally check it.  

New Years was amazing.  Absolute blessing.  I celebrated at an event with lots of music and lights.  Some people call these events "raves," but i like to feign classiness so I will call it a very large New Year's Eve Party with great DJ's and lots of pretty lights.  

I will be uploading pictures tomorrow and then I will cut and paste some of the best ones onto xanga.  

I want to recap 2012.  I really do, but I believe 2012 was not the absolute best year for me.  Maybe it was inside of me, like the ways in which I grew, but outwardly it is hard to measure my successes any more.   

I have experienced many new things: heartbreak, travel, empathy, some business acumen, some more maturity in ways, but I do not know.  

2012 did not jump out at me as the year I expected to be.  Maybe 2013 will be that year for me.  Time will tell.  

So many things have happened around me in 2012, but I think the moment to grieve and rest is now over.  2013 is waiting for me and it is time to get the ball rolling again.   The David Chau who thinks he is ready to take on the world is back.  He is a bit different.  More humble maybe.  More accepting of setbacks.   I am still working on setting up some goals.  I  will upload those when I am ready and have committed to setting some legit goals.  

Here is a teaser of where I was at midnight.  

And in that moment you realize how life really does not go from A to B.  

And circumstances really do compound.

And how you thought one person would never be in your life is back again.

And one who you thought you could see through the end of days is no longer there.

And then you marvel at it.

Life is beautiful.  

Merry Christmas Everyone! Can you believe how much life is changing from year to year? We are growing so much and we are experiencing things this year that we never thought we would. It is funny how the life goes full circle sometimes, but I am thankful for everyone in my life that has come through or is still with me today. People change. We change. So blessed to be here still. Breathing and enjoying life. Thank you for all those who have stood by me over the years. Thank you for all who have championed me here today. Thank you for all the great experiences we will share to come. This Christmas I know I have everything I want. Better things will come, but today is still very amazing. I wish you all the best. May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows. Merry Christmas. See you all in 2013. I hear next year is going to be freakin' amazing for us.

Problem:

I once read this book,  called One Minute Manager. In the book, it delineates three simple things a good manager should do.

1) One Minute Goals- There is a simplicity when your manager puts your goals clearly in front of you or when you put your goals in front of yourself.  The simplicity that you can read and understand your goal makes it that much more clear.  I have no clear goals here.

2) One Minute Reprimand- My boss does not speak to me about anything and if he does,  he puts complete blame on me although there was no clear direction or oversight on his part on anything that is done.  I realize more can always be done on my part and trust me when I say I am doing more.

3) One Minute Praise- Also, there is no effing appreciation at this job.  None whatsoever.  For all the work and hours you put in, no one will tell you you are doing a great job or that your work contributes to anything.  No one gets it.   

Solution:

Once a problem is understood, you have to look at it from two ways.   Can I bear it or do I want this to change?   

1) Bearing it - One of my favorite stories ever can be found here Farmer John and the Dog.   And the question I ask myself is does it hurt enough.  And to be truthful, no it does not.   The situation I am in does not hurt enough, but it is annoying me greatly.  I do not like to be a person that bitches and I do not like to be a person that goes around being unhappy around others.  My stress is high and my appreciation for my work is low.

2) Change -  Okay, I lied. Damn it is hard.  But I know I will have to.  I have about 13 days off in 4 days where I will have time to clean up my resume and apply to the market.  My current plans are.

1. Find job as program manager at sales company
2. Find job as sales dev or lead
3. Find job as consultant
4. Find job as waiter and middle school tutor

Option 4 for me sounds the best and that is because I want to run away.  I truly want to rest and breathe and do something so easy and natural to me.  My friend calls me a little bitch and copping out finding something the world deems as altruistic, but they are only in it because they couldn't find a real job in the industry they wish.  Point taken. Option 3 is the scariest and I hear no one likes their job as a consultant, but I feel that would be good experience for me.  Jobs 1 and 2 are basically the same shit I am doing now, but hopefully for a company I enjoy or an industry I am looking to further my career in. 

Reflection:

Fuck you.  Yes you the person that thinks their life is figured out.   Life is hard.  Damn mother-effing hard.   Life never goes straight from A to B and very few of us know what we are doing.  For those of you that actually are in the pursuit of your hopes and dreams, thank you.  Thank you for risking it and showing the rest of us 9 to 5'ers that life can be pursued.   Others of us, me included, are delusional and are hoping for that muse to speak or that next step to appear so we may move forward.

I am not one about waiting for things to come.  If you have followed me for at least a year, you would realize that I am all about hustling and working towards the top.   I definitely very much still believe in this.   I am, however, realizing that we can not always gauge life by our progress, but rather by our process.  We are constantly being taught to count awards, laurels, and accolades, but real grown up life is not about the next step.   

So often we want to be in a relationship and get married just so we feel that that is our next step to feel accomplished.  But I am going to tell you something,  some relationships fucking suck.   Some marriages suck.  We stay in them because we are scared of change or we don't feel like we can do better or we hope that things will get better.  I have been there.  But I have realized, it is not about what stage you are in life, but how you are performing at each stage.  The trajectory of things to come even.   And it does not matter if you make it now or ten years from now, it is just about making it.  

So here I am.   26.   Single.  Working for a 6 Billion dollar company.  Managing projects that are worth 60 million a piece.   Controlling the production flow of factories worldwide.  

At the end of the day, if it does not mean shit to you, then it is worthless.   So we can all continue to move forward, but at the end of the day we will have to answer to ourselves.  Did we live a life worth living?  

TL;DR:

I have lost my passion in most things and am on the hunt to find it again.   Many things will have to change including my current occupation.

Everything you have gone through in life has brought you to this moment in time, with this set of skills, this set of values, and this set of beliefs and ambition.   I do not know where I am going, but if I dedicate myself to the decision I make. I know I will go far in that direction.   I guess that decision will be coming soon.   I will commit to a choice.  I will choose a cookie.  Any cookie. They are all pretty decent cookies.   

@apieceofthesky #lifeishard #bloggingforme #onmyway 

It really isn't a fair statement to say to someone that is still on xanga or newly onto xanga.  

It would be similar to telling me that the food I am eating now at my favorite restaurant use to be 100 times better.   

It just doesn't make me feel good.  

I have been on xanga for quite some time now, and I have been heavily involved for about 5 years now.  I have had my fair share of xanga meets, late night camming on zombies day after day, bunchedup.tv, and even had a couple of could have been moments with a couple of xangans.  

But these are the statements, I have heard from time to time when I meet up with the OG's:

"I used to blog when Michelle Phan and that guy from WongFu use to blog."
"I used to blog when there were hella fine azn bitches everywhere you can meet up with."
"All the good xangans have left."
"Xanga is dead."

This makes me sad because one I would have love me my aZn females and two if all the good xangans left, why am I still here?  By default, I have to leave just to be considered good.

What makes companies and nations great are its people and I think communities change over time.  To me, I wish I could see the same familiar faces and read the words of my old favorites again and again, but I guess this is a transitional space and if I choose to stay here, I have to continue to make those connections with new people.  

All in all, there are still a good amount of people holding down the fort with good writing and awesome comments to one another.  You know who you are.  Thank you.  

Don't leave me. 

Vy came to visit from Austrailia.  Some of the local Norcal Xangans met up with her.  Good times even though I didn't stay to eat at Boiling Crab.  Had time to snag a picture with these lovely ladies. #luckyguy

Ju1cyXCouture: what are your favorite things to do when you have visitors 

Manbeast: haha drink 
i like to do whatever the tourist wants to. sight see i am down. eat well i am down and drink. that is about it in my book 

Ju1cyXCouture: that sounds perfectttttt

Manbeast: haha so wahtever you want girl 

Ju1cyXCouture: that all sounds right. whats the best time of the year to visit norcal? 

Manbeast: when you are single 

Ju1cyXCouture: lmao. i don't know about single but most likely i'll be flying there alone. i have found traveling alone is so much fun lolll. 

Manbeast: hahaha i kid

We have been friends for 5 years on xanga now. 

There is something amazing about reading the stories of each other for so long.   Real friendships are carved through enduring with one another.   I am very excited to finally meet this long time friend.   

I am the youngest person at my firm.  Being the youngest, every person wants to be a mentor to me.  Maybe its my hard working attitude or the look in my eye that says I want to take on the world.  Whatever it is, it seems I am able to get away with a lot and also everyone is always giving me insight.

Its hard to be young because it seems with age comes wisdom. I am forced to change my appearance and dress and act older.   Recently, I have been noted by two of my managers that I appear over confident.  This would be an amazing persona if I could execute on all my tasks, but the lack of training provided and my recent apathy it is hard to completely be available for every task or project given to me.  I am never one to fail at anything I do, but I am being challenged in my role as I am expected to have an engineering background but do not have one.   No one oversees my work and thus I do the best I can while asking for the advice that is given to me.   

It seems everyone is overworked and there are too many issues to fully invest  in anyone individual so when things fall through the crack it is not only my fault but the fault of the managers around me.   They see they are at fault as well but at the same they rather have me push harder or have someone that can fully perform all job functions with any intercession on their part.  This situation is completely understandable, yet selfish on their part.  

Its hard to say what I would like to with myself these days. I have sales skills, presentation skills, some program management skills, pricing skills, and lots and lots of excel skills.   My friend says I should be a project manager for a sales company.  Maybe a small one where you are more invested, but I have no interest in anything right now.  I hate working.  People say they hate working, but I HATE WORKING! I can not see  myself working for the next 40 years of my life and I do not know how people do it.   

I have been debating about law school.  I am an avid learner and my logic is definitely getting there.  A part of me would be getting it just for the laurels.   It would be a stupid decision on my part.  I would love to get an MBA, but do not know how top tier of a school I can get in with my lack of finance and consulting skills.   

Although I am here questioning life, I know I am entirely blessed that although some of these thoughts may be foolish they are readily available to me.  If I were to pursue any of the handful of choices I have in front of me, I would definitely be able to follow through.

That is the problem when you have the ability to float through life. I have floated for so so long.  What do I want to do?  Where do my passions lie?   

I refuse to settle and be content, but I sit here paralyzed by the analysis that runs through my brain with all the options I think are before me.  Analysis paralysis.  

Life is hard.  It is really really hard.   Everyone is fighting their biggest struggle.   I been in transitions for a while.  Striving and working towards something that I do not know.  The Master Hands sees the story, but I am working through the pages.  I know the end will be sweet.  I am working my way through the chapter.  I need a break.   I need to pause.   God is good.  Christmas is coming.   There will be time to reflect.  Time to breathe.  

I am only 26.  Life is only truly beginning for me.   Come what may.