January 8, 2013

• Comfort

  "Hi," she texted me early in the morning.  

  It was not a simple text that says Hi, but a giant ridiculous emoticon/image with a picture of a bunny saying HI out of his giant white mouth.  I was so caught off by the whole thing that my mind regressed back into my former self and I almost texted her, "Hey Babe." 

  But the realization that things have shifted far from those former days quickly snap me back into reality as I make my morning commute to work.  

  ---

  I have thought about it greatly, the whole thing about being friends with your ex.  And there is something even honorable and impressive about it even though there really should not be, kind of like how we automatically think teachers are better people than people that work in corporate America.   

  And I have asked around on couples that have broken up, people that I look up to.  And there was one person that was able to be best friends with her ex after they broke up.  And for two years they were friends with no strings attached, but that quickly changed when she found the boyfriend that she would soon to marry.  Weeks after her new relationship,  the friendship she had with ex became almost non-existent.

  But the thing with comfort is it quickly falls back into place if you let it.  The conversation from a bystander's point of view almost seemingly seems like the conversation of an aged couple with witty remarks, slight jabs, and deep laughs, of two people that understood the rhythms and flows of one another, knowing when to give and take.

  You realize the slight joy in your heart creeping up inside you and you can't help but smile as you speak to an old familiar friend.   Logic kicks in and you begin the next pause of the conversation with what you know will end the merriment, cutting off the first taste of the morphine drip 4 months down that you told yourself you would deny.

  "How are you and James? You guys celebrate your 3 month?"

  This will be the death blow.  Awkwardness will ensue. Yes, let's talk about your new boyfriend.

  She answers with another emoticon with a bunny saying, "GOOD!" and states they celebrated with a simple lunch.  To your amazement, somehow she continues the flow of the conversation as if she simply told you how the weather was, and you continue the conversation because you have been a chameleon always in your life reflecting the aura and atmosphere of any room or setting. Her ease at which she talks to you continues to move you forward and deeper into the conversation. You remember that you always loved her ability to have the world love her with such ease, while you work to build deep relationships with everyone around you.   

  The conversation dwindles down and you wish each other the best and say things like let's grab lunch sometime hoping the other will not really follow through, the same way we ask people "how's it going," but not really caring about their reply.  

  ---

  The night comes and finally you lay in your queen size bed.  A long day's work gave you barely enough time to reflect if you had dinner or not.   The extra space in the bed reminds you of the conversations earlier in the day.  The only thing you know that will help you sleep at night is if you empty your thoughts and pour the words out.  You realize that its 2 am and that it is 2013.  There is nothing to really look back on now.  Any semblance of a friendship will need to be forged months or years from now.  When circumstances completely shift, maybe you will run into each other at a small cafe or a bookstore hardly recognizing each other. And when you do finally recognize each other, you will smile, the same very smile you smiled this morning, a smile of familiarity and comfort.  

   

  • 5:16 am
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