I used to tell people selfishly that the moment I died I would want the sun to explode. I would want to see the sun explode off in the distance as I lay there dying.  Maybe I would want to be enveloped by whatever shards,  rocks, or molten lava is able to make its way to earth scorching my body and having the whole world be destroyed as one.  

My ego-centrism runs deep and my thought that when I close my eyes, I can't see you which means you can't see me of a child has stayed with me in many ways.  These thoughts though have been timely as Xanga is imploding of sorts.  I guess I got my wish as I have been deciding to leave for some time.  

Even if it continues to live on through some paid site,  I have no plans to pay 48 dollars for a wordpress account I could get for free.   And do not think I do not love this site and its people and community. 

People say one of the things they regret is not spending enough time with their loved ones.  I for one have made a conscious effort to connect to many of you on Xanga.  I have been privileged to meet many of you and many of you are my Xanga Zombie friends, Facebook friends, in real life friends,  and drinking friends even.   We have connected.  In essence, I have lived a life worth living on the Xanga world.

Sure, I have many goals that I have not completed yet.  Sleep with PT, Wonderland, and yes even Wuwu you sexy guy you.   But PT and Wonderland are fb friends of mine now so the game carries on.   

Lame jokes aside,  some of you have remained secretive over the years hiding your true identities and I wish to connect with you via any other social means.  

My new blog can be found here. www.chadkimthebeekeeper.wordpress.com
My FB is www.facebook.com/davidchau
My instagram is http://instagram.com/davidchau23

Find me there if you want to continue to keep in touch.   I love you guys and you guys have inspired me to become a better writer and push further in my career.  You have been there for me for when I broke hearts even though I was a jerk.  You have been there for me when my heart was broken.   

Leave a comment.  Let me know where your next blog will be.  Lets all hop onto wordpress and make things easier.   

And if this is it. Then I want you to know that I cherished every bit you gave to the community.   But its alright.  Time to turn a new leaf.

Nothing gold can stay.  

Love never dies. It just takes on another form. 

Tell me why. I been throwing away clothes i bought over the years and I still feel clustered.  I seriously have 25 pairs of jeans.  100 shirts.   10 dress pants and 25 dress shirts.   Ridiculous.  

I am adopting a "sell everything and travel philosophy."  I got rid of some of my old vintages video games.  Surprising my Super Nintendo games have brought me close to $300.   I am currently selling all my dvds and cds as well.  What I can't sell I will most likely donate.    I am having a yard sale and just getting rid of everything.  It will probably be a series of yard sales.  Getting rid of things.  Selling Clothes.   Minimizing.  

Just shifting my lifestyle.  Its a good thing.   Focusing on the needs instead of the wants.  Chasing the right things once again.  

Hope you guys are doing well.  

It's difficult in times like these: ideals, dreams and cherished hopes rise within us, only to be crushed by grim reality. It's a wonder I haven't abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart. I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery, and death. I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that this cruelty too shall end, and that peace & tranquility will return once again. - Anne Frank

Just finished reading the article on the man who kidnapped the 3 women and raped them repeatedly across ten years.  The whole story is despicable, but how he forced miscarriages upon one of these women through starvation and beating broke me.   My soul hurts.  But this man is human and I do not want to distance myself from the reality of the world and what we are all to some extent capable of given the right conditions.   I know that statement is not one many people will agree with, but people have always agreed with the other spectrum.   P Diddy once said in an interview that if he was like Bill Gates who had parents that had the first access to computers, he could have been the next Bill Gates too.  Being surrounded in the right context affords us opportunities to the three racks of high society.   But the other spectrum,  the-have-nots live lives whose morals, ethics, and even humanity we question.  We sit here on our high thrones saying I would never do that.  

Tupac once said, "I never committed a crime I didn't have to."   The conditions of his living forced him to do what he could to get by.   Where somehow along the way, you justify that it is okay to enslave children into warfare, to sell daughters to brothels, and to simply hurt people.  

If it were me and I was in the Dark Knight movie,  I would probably be the first to push the button to blow up the other ferry filled with prisoners and deadbeats.  We live in a world of pain and I think the pain of the world is surfacing more and more or maybe I have just become more aware of it.  

We all need heroes.  I believe Anne Frank is as much of a hero as Bruce Willis was.  I wonder though if Anne had the ability to continue to write as she was in the concentration camps and watched first hand the horror of the massacres, would she still be able to say that despite everything, that people are truly good at heart?  Do you think one of those 3 women can say that?  Do they believe?  

I hope so.  

My boy calls me in the middle of my work day today and tells me he got laid!  I smile. I am so excited for him.  See my boy here is not the type to lay any girl.  He just doesn't do it. God knows why cuz he has a sea of girls swimming around him at all times.   He is the type of guy you always bring up as a mutual friend because you know he is likeable and he has not broken any hearts.  Great friend to have.  He has had the LONGEST dry spell ever, and he says its by choice, and for him I actually believe.   Let's take a moment and clap it up for my boy! #myboysdowork

Dating in your mid to late 20's is another game.   In college,  you could go to the bar, go back to the frat house,  have sex with a girl,  and walk her home all on the same block.  I loved it.   There were nights in college where I would come home late at night and just take detour as I am walking home, text a girl ";)", she would text back ":)", and it was on like donkey kong that night.   Alright I was never that awesome, but it was something along those lines.  Let's not ruin a good story with the facts.  

Now we have work schedules.   We live in all different areas.  Do we get a hotel in SF?  Getting laid takes planning!  

I have a female friend that I love love love.  She was once and avid blogger on xanga and she is always rooting me on and asking me how many girls have I been laying.   She is like my cheerleader for sex.    I ask her why does she root for me, which she responds "everyone should be happy especially you."   I get all bubbly inside. Love this chick! 

Even for my homegirls now, when they go through dry spells I root for them too.  

I guess this is a part of growing up.   Not pretending we are the saints we make ourselves out to be.   

Lets root one another on.  And of course for good sex only!  Rather have no sex than shitty sex.  

Have you gotten laid recently?  How long has your dry spell been?  

How does one download all their blogs from xanga with the most ease?

Or is there a way I can transfer my blog to another blog and then download my blog from there?

I want to be able to download all my blogs: protected, private, and public.

There is a certain point in any situation where you break through, and once you do you have a new sense of peace.   My old, old VP was top gun in the Air Force and he said as he approached the sound barrier, the plane would shake and rattle a bit, but once he broke through he said it was as smooth as sitting in a jet that wasn't moving, no resistance, no sounds, and just peace.  

I invest into friendships deeply, and recently a friend and I have broken through completely.  There is so much joy and peace when you can be your utterly, creepy, and awkward self around another person.  No faux pretensions, no cordiality, and no filler talk.   Just two people being.    It is that moment where two people just know the rhythms of the other and how to balance back and forth, knowing when to say more and when the unspoken words have already been understood by not only them but in the trees casting shade above.   

I would call it comfort of two people, but I think it is more understanding.  

"To be known is to be loved" and I love love.  

You know those books you were suppose to read in high school, the summer reading assignment before class even began for your AP classes.  I think this was one of them.  I have not read this book, but I am looking forward to the movie.  It saddens me that the only books I read in high school were Harry Potter books, and it saddens me even more that I no longer love the author or the franchise. I did not even watch the last movie of the series.   I digress.

During church last weekend, our pastor spoke about a certain scene in the movie where Gatsby is showing Daisy all his fancy shirts that he has and he is throwing them onto the floor of his multi-million dollar estate.   And in that moment Daisy starts to cry into one of these shirts.   And these shirts are nice, but they are just a shirt.  Why is she crying?  Apparently this is a poignant question and the reason she cries is not for the sake of the shirts, but for what this moment represents.  Gatsby has been working to become a dignified and worthy man for Daisy for the last 8 years to win her over.  Every sweat he toiled, hour he worked,  and girl he did not waste his time with was for her.   He was planning for this moment.  Can you imagine being loved so dearly that another person has devoted themselves to becoming the person you always wanted and providing for you in every way you needed.  The sermon goes on to say that God loves us this much.  And that is pretty awesome.

I never read the book or watched the original movie, so I apologize if some of the details are wrong, but I think many men have done great things in the name of love.  And this works for me. I really love this story.   So you be my Daisy alright?  You can marry another even, but like this story I will win you back.   

8 years.