November 29, 2012
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Closure
I had that talk. You know that talk you have with your ex about 3 months after you guys break up and your head is clear. Where you are far enough removed from the situation that you can evaluate it for what it truly is.
And you know, closure does not really bring more satisfaction than not knowing does. Unless you are completely clueless and self-absorbed, one kind of has an idea on why things fell apart and why things are as they are. And there are times when we wish we could have been done better. I wish she would have told me this or I wish she would have told me that, but at the end of the day, the two of you are no longer one. Your plans and goals for life, your weekend plans for that matter, no longer need to be dependent on the other.
Life has a way of moving on pretty quickly and it really does not stop for too long to feel the emptiness or the sadness. For me, I think we are selfish and we want to hold onto the good things that we currently have while getting more and more. Sometimes our hands our too full in life to grasp more and those are the times we have to let go of what is good to achieve what is great. I always admired her ambition and how she would never settle for less than the best.
I am a very civil guy and at this point in time I know me and her can be friends and we can be in the same room and be cordial. That I already know. The question I ask myself is can I see myself asking her specifically to hang out or inviting her over to a family function. It is too soon to tell, but I hope I can be a person that is capable of that. That I can not be selfish and feel hurt and truly let it go forever and always. There will have to be consequences for the way she let things end, but can we restore our friendship and trust. I do not know these answers and everyone is capable of enduring different things.
It is just the way her eyes are. She had always won me over with her eyes and when I look at her I always want to take on all her problems and make it go away. Even if the problem is the guilt she feels and how much she owes me from our relationship.
I thank her for all she has done for me and I have locked in time our two years together and I will only take the good and take the lessons and the ways in which we made each other better people. I forgive her, but I do tell her to put on her fighting gloves if she wants to "go to war for my friendship." These were her words. I have held her safe in my arms long enough. I have fought the battles for the both of us where I could. It is time for me to look out for myself and move ahead.
I am eager to see how this all plays out. I hope we can be friends once again. I hope we can be that Gwen Stefani type of "cool."
"Hope is a good thing.. probably the best of things.. and no good thing ever dies." - The Shawshank Redemption
Comments (23)
You always have very 'stand out' phrases in your writing =]
" I will only take the good and take the lessons and the ways in which we made each other better people."
"I hope we can be that Gwen Stefani type of "cool.""
Glad to hear the progress since the break up... it sounds like you are really on a great path here =]
all we need is time usually.
love the shawshank quote. def. one of my favorites.
^I was gonna say what your friend said too. I like your thoughts and the way you convey them with words..
I do like your line: "Sometimes our hands our too full in life to grasp more and those are the times we have to let go of what is good to achieve what is great." It reminds me of the Marilyn Monroe quote, "And sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Better days are ahead for you, David.
*hugs*yes. let's be 'cool' together!
Very sweet. Thanks for sharing.
well written. don't know many guys that will think like you.
It's always a dangerous thing, to take an ex to something where people know you've broken up. Good luck on that.
You're a better man than my ex lol. Everytime I thought we were having the closure talk it just turned into him ranting about how evil I was and rehashing out all our issues. I hope he has gotten closure though, I'll be happy when i hear about his happiness. Glad you are moving on and moving forward with your life. And I hope you find more happiness in the future
Glad to hear that things are looking up a little more. The quote, "Time will heal" stands very true. On the bright note, now you are one step closer to finding the one. In my opinion, ex's are very important to help us learn the steps, so when we meet "the one," we will be ready.
You'll heal, you'll forgive, you'll never forget though. I don't see ex's being friends as a good idea. You used to fuck. That chemistry will always be there on some subconscious level, and it can rise up again if you try and do the friend thing.
My ex handled breaking up extremely poorly. She did the no contact thing and is maintaining it. Frankly, I'm not holding my breath for her to ever reinitiate contact.
Just take the good out of the relationship, the good memories, the lessons, and move on.
I dated a guy 4 years ago, briefly, and I mean briefly...and I did not get closure from our relationship until recently. I still love him a part of me always will, but the honest truth is my psyche knows we are better off distancing ourselves from one another...I saw him a few months back when his MS had flared up and I made us dinner--but things were different I felt older and wiser for having him let me go, but I still miss his scent, his laugh, and energy and passion...but the truth is I am happier without him.
Yay! Good for you Manbeast. You definitely have some character. It is reflected through your other entries but this one here show cases it. Keep it up.
Hmmm I'm not sure if I ever had that closure talk. I thought we did but right after we finish talking my ex went to her gfs and told them about how much I whined and complained, wow what a fake. She hasn't talked to me in the last two years or even acknowledge my presence. However I think I like it better that way.
You're a good guy. I still care about all my exes, not that there are a lot of them.
<3 I'm so happy for you!
Awww you're such a good person, how come I never get guys like you as my ex and I always have the crazy ones that go psycho all the timer on me?
"Cool" by Gwen Stefani is such a great song, and I really think you'll get to that stage. Man, it's really her loss that she isn't with you anymore because even in death, I envy your relationship. Most people's breakups are messy and show the worst in people. This shows how great you are as a person, that in your dark times, you can be so honorable. Really, her loss.
keep on truckin
I'm glad you have time for yourself now. Hope things are better!
@xXrEMmUsXx - I dont know you very well, but I like you so much. Thank you for reading my silly words and following me.
@misajour - the movie is pretty good. When I first saw it, I did not think much of it. I need to watch it again.
@Babieboo_Annie - visit me
@luvs_u - hopefully!
@claritymay - thanks for reading!
@mich_yap - I am a sucker. Maybe I am thinking about this all wrong.
@Thatslifekid - Yeah. We do not talk as of now so I do not think friendship will come any time soon. Its the hope like the morphine drip you give yourself after a surgery. You need to have it as you ween off such a serious relationship.
@Ju1cyXCouture - I try. I was so horrible to my exes as you remember from all my other blogs. She deserves it as all girls do.
@cognney - I have been three the one's. Hopeffully there is a fourth!
@gamecubeholic - Yeah! They are definitely dormant. Time will tell
@viet1_n_only - You are a sexy hard-working guy! I know you make your way to the top. Hire me when you get there good sir!
@lonelywanderer2 - Lets be friends! Please come around more.
@superGchik - Maybe you are worth going crazy about. I am a decent guy. DOnt be fooled. My blog is my playground.
@happyobligations - YOU ARE THE SILLIEST ONE!!!! You will get a great guy one day. Just keep focusing on you and keep growing. You are amazing will be even more amazing as you move forward.!
@Yosho - fawk the trucks. lambo it up! I will hit you up for drinks when I am in SF. Hopefully you have the same number boss tycooon!
@N0S - XMAS! me and you bro!
@Manbeast - hmm i think you replied to the wrong person in my comment
@happyobligations - shut up that was for u!!!
@Manbeast - oh but i wasnt talking about me...?
just like your entry on actually being in the present, it seems like you stole the thoughts out of my head once again! I've tried to understand the concept of closure for too long now, as well as the idea of wanting to be and actually being friends with the ex. Being friends even 2 years after the fact, it seems as if the chemistry is still there somehow in the strangest ways. Chemistry is the trickiest thing of all when it comes to trying to be friends with ex's in my opinion. Sometimes I wonder where it goes if it really was once there...
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