June 10, 2012
-
Here is a thought
I use to drink a lot in college and at the end of the night my favorite thing to do is to blog. There is something liberating about writing with no sense of reluctance or worry or care of how your words will be perceived.
I am not drunk but I took 2 dosages of Nyquil. One because I am sick and secondly I like the crazy dreams it give me.
Its not working. I am pausing in between thoughts.
I have this thing called the 2 year curse. I dont know if any of you have it as well, but my relationships usually only last 2 years. My current gf and I am coming up on our 2 year anniversary. She is the 4th consecutive 2 year relationship I have. Our anniversary is this month on the 27th. I think we will last. We should. Sometimes I have self-sabotaging habits. When things are going well, I think its too good to be true and I want to run away and start over from the beginning. AS if, I dont deserve the happiness that i Have worked for.
Every 2 years as well I go through some kind of change. I feel this one coming. And I hate it. I know what I have to do to finally fully "grow up." THe days where I am a kid and playing video games and such all day are long and gone. I was playing some video games the other day and my gf comes over into the the room and she reminds me "you are 26 years old."
But I know the things I want I dont ahve time to indulge all day like I did that day to play games. Other times I think people put too much emphasis on bf/gf. We are dating. We arent married but people treat it that way. There are phases and as you move forward... fawk it it doesnt matter. What I am really trying to say is the those other 3 girls. They are no where to be found. How is it that you want to marry each other at one point and then just end up as "strangers again." I value my friends more than anything. Not to say I don't love Becky and all she does and All she has me becoming, but her love is the kind of conditional love. It is contingent if I am faithful and loyal to her and that one day I will marry her.
MY friends, however, love me for me and they will be around regardless of any of my vices or who I choose to marry. My arms of love reach far and because all I have done for others, I know they will be there for me for any number of my days. So there are times .... you just need a little bit of hope, ya know.
Not hoping in the wrong things that will never happen, like your job getting any better, or you breaking into some career you have always dreamed about but real hope. I believe we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that something is around the corner when we know its not. I need to hope in the right things. I need to smash some of my other delusions and truly focus on the things I am capable of pursuing.
Are you still there? are you still with me? Don't get me wrong I am happy. I am good. I have that time to think and I am thinking. I am working it out. I am on my way. I hate wasting time and I hate losing people along the way. People that I have invested in. Maybe those 3 invested in me and they are missing out. Well here is to them for making me the man that I am. THis girl. THis girl that I am with. Becky. She gets to enjoy the legacy product of the others. Life is crazy. I am 26 and I act as if I were to die tomorrow.
Still there? Thanks for reading. i am on a verge of a six pack. I am changing careers. I am not playing games anymore. I am going to stop drinking until at least when I have landed another job. I will start reading again. and did i tell you. I am on the verge of a six pack. i will update pictures when i get there.
If i get as sexy as nick, will someone buy me a shot? Like really. If my abs look even semi like his, any ladies willing to take me out to lunch or something. Eff that. If my abs gett tehre Nick is goonna take me out!
And its true behind every great man is a very strong woman. I have no choice but to be great. right?
Comments (17)
interesting thoughts
I'll take you out and get you fat again. You and Tommy, too much competition there
i love how u wrote 'i am on the verge of getting a six pack' twice lol
Deep thoughts. Fruity thoughts.
Sense of humor gets the ladies. Nice body only attract shallow girls,
@TheMushyPear - You rec the most faggoty posts.
@ShimmerBodyCream - So do you. That last blog you rec'd was shit.
@TheMushyPear - No kidding, since it was YOURS.
@ShimmerBodyCream -
When you first mentioned six pack I though you were talking about beer cuz the Nyquil wasn't working....haha. =)
Romantic love is almost always conditional to an extent. It's a partnership and if one checks out of what they need to do to maintain it, the partnership can fail. The only unconditional love usually seen here is with folks who stick with their mates even through extremely self destructive behavior and wind up being destroyed in the process as well- not mentally or emotionally healthy.
You are the same way- would you love a girl unconditionally who stooped doing the things she did for you and became unfaithful?
Friends have wider limits of love cuz they don't have any financial or legal ties, so your actions will not be a great impact on their lives or future plans- but even they usually have limits. If the behavior becomes destructive enough, true friends will stage an intervention and then start walking away if they feel the downward spiral might drag them in.
Nothing wrong with having dreams - they keep us alive and hopeful. The key is taking definitive action to achieve those dreams. If one tries and fails, there will be satisfaction from the attempt. Regrets come from never trying at all.
Don't fear failure - go for the gold, you can always scale down if it doesn't work out and hit dream #2 or #3...until to land what you are aiming for.
Lastly......
Free time may be less as you move on to more responsibilities, but if you're organized, you will ALWAYS be able to carve out a slice of time for video games....haha.
This is why we're still friends as long as we are...
yes, still with you. all the way. we here at xanga.
@SoullFire - Thank you for taking the time to fully read my mind babble. The insights you give me are very fair. Does that mean that when people get to know you better and your lives get more entangled that the stakes are higher and this comes with the territory?
I agree with ur points. Just want to dive a bit deeper.
And I am not efficient enough to have time for those wonderful games.
I don't think it's a curse. So many people become complacent in their lives, staying at the same job that they hate, never moving anywhere. Every two years you feel the need to develop, to grow, to challenge yourself. I wouldn't call it a curse. It's a force that keeps you moving, it makes sure that you are taking big steps towards your goal and the person you want to be.
Each relationship is so different, it's unfair to compare one to another, though I'm quite guilty of that crime. Just because the previous relationships ended near the two year mark doesn't mean you can't get past it. Did those relationships give you the same encouragement and motivation that Becky does? I don't think so. You are a different person than you were two years ago, four years ago, six years ago. You've come so far. I see you constantly improving yourself, striving towards your goals.
Don't take the past into consideration when you think about your current relationship. It's just you and Becky, and the love that you have for each other. Nothing that happened in the past matters, just who you are today. =)
@TheMushyPear - thanks mushy pear
i wonder about that sometimes. would it be better to stay friends with certain people i like, and forever like each other, or get serious and risk hating each other/becoming strangers. i've lost a lot of people that way, by dating. it's kind of a paradox.
i love your posts. moar!
congrats. keep fighting the ab fight!
ps - i just tagged this post and your page in my last blog. cheers.
Comments are closed.