Month: April 2013

  • April 30th, 1975

    To my fellow Vietnamese and my Laotian, Mien, Hmong, and Cambodian brothers,

    This is to growing up in subsidized apartment complexes and neighborhoods where drugs and gangs were more abundant than Christmas presents, to coming to America in a socio-economic context being seen as foreigners and competition to "true Americans" while being grouped with Chinese, Koreans, and Japanese who some have had 2-3 generations of time to gain cultural, social, and economic wealth, to fighting the model minority myth, and to our parents who humbled themselves working jobs as waiters, nail salonists, and clerks when they were doctors, lawyers, and admirals in their native land. 

    This is for our parents who left their homeland and half of their brothers and sisters and family venturing out onto the open sea with pirates, dangerous waters, murder, rape, and boats with family and friends that never arrived. Stories until this day they do not share with their children. This is to the burdens they bear and dreams they have cast upon us. This is for how we fail to understand the depth of their love. This is to how we fall short.

    This is the thank you to our parents. The appreciation of fish sauce and fried rice, to the sound of the smoke detector going off just right before the meal is ready, to rice porridge and the quarters they would use to scratch our backs red as they coined their love into our ribs. This is to the beatings with brooms and belts or whatever they had in their hand at the time because they hit us because they loved us. 

    This is my apology. I am sorry Vietnamese people work jobs as nail salons, because our lack of English skills and the job market we entered at the time only allowed us to do so much. I am sorry that we are gangsters and wife beaters, because our parents weren't around growing up working double shifts so we can possibly have a brighter future. I am sorry I could not afford SAT classes, tennis lessons, and had the extra time in my week for community service to make it to the top tier colleges. I am sorry I can not love you long time, because my people had nothing to sell but their own bodies in this global economy. 

    We all struggle. Our stories are valid. Know your history. Know your roots. 

    April 30, 1975 - We never forget. Some of us just pretend to.

     
     
     
    Thailand Refugee Camp 1981 - OGs

  • Ephemeral

    Lets make this fleeting moment last forever 

    "Maybe I am the fool, and I don't see what is right in front of my eyes.  This moment we have.  When will we have this care and love for one another again.  Maybe, we should just live in the moment."

    I have learned something very valuable in my latest season of life. I have learned to enjoy the moment and still hope and work towards the future.   Things happen to us all the time.  Some things are terrible and some things seem to linger and follow us even though we think we have moved on.  I have learned to tell myself "its okay" and "what now."  

    For instance,  my car got stolen on Sunday in Emeryville.   Not the best way to start my birthday week.   I was really bummed, but I didn't let it ruin my day.  I stayed in the area just in case they found the car the same day and I could pick it up.   I spent the day with two dear friends, went hiking, got some dim sum,  hung out with more friends,  and had some friends from San Jose come to pick me up.   I calculated the costs on the car,  rebudget my bday plans and spending habits,  cancelled fast trak in my car and I count it as loss.   

    The movie What A Wonderful Life is one of my fave movies.   In the movie, this man loses a lot of money and wants to kill himself but an angel comes and shows him what the city would have been like without his presence.   His impact and relationship with all those in the city made bounds and leaps in everyone's lives.   At the end of the movie, the city of people come and give him money because they love him and they heard the bad news.   I feel like I live my life in a very similar fashion.  I received this gift from my father who always loves others and pours himself out to other people.   

    I am so blessed and have so many amazing people in my life; some I impact and others that impact me.   I love where I am and I am not going to try to be somewhere where I am not and cry over the things that have already occurred.  On Quora, they asked Elon Musk what as the one thing he did that made him get where he was today.  If you don't know Elon Musk, you need to google him.   He said something along the lines that it was never a single moment.  It was a daily progress.  Every choice compounding on a previous choice.   Almost a series of good choices and discipline that got him to where he is today.

    I think we as people are lazy.  Our laziness helps us innovate and build faster cars and better means of transportation, but also our laziness makes us believe that if we sit on a couch with something sending electricity into our abs we can get a six pack.   There is never one break through moment and I love this.  And so, I am taking one day at a time.  Treasuring each breath and enjoying the company of the beautiful people in my life at this moment.   

    Wishing you guys the best as well.  Here is a peek at some of the shenanigans I had on my bday! There are a couple more events to come. :D
    https://share.htc.com/kinYIwTi3# 

  • Dat Fansign Game

    My Bday is next week April 23rd and I would love a happy bday fansign!  <3

    You can post it onto my fb wall too. :D  

     

    One of my faves from last year!  Guys are welcome too :D

     

  • Call Me Noah

    #thenotebook #abandonedhouse #wheresmyallie

  • dancing

    i told my boy to hold his lane.  handle her friend she came with for a moment as i grabbed her hand and pulled her deeper into the crowd.  the lights moved around the dance floor allowing each other to maybe see each other every 5 seconds or so.

    it was not one of those instances where you were moving by sight anyways.  you were moving by the rhythms of each others' body, eyes closed, embarking on an exploration of fingertips and hands.    

    we danced back and forth teasing one another, challenging one another; if the other were to dare, to come a bit closer. i took a moment to pull her in and whispered in her ear.

    "its fun when you dont know who you are going to go home with."

    i softly nibbled* her ear and took a slight step back to see her reaction.  under the dimly lit room, you can see a smile on her face as she slightly tilted her head back to take in the moment. 

    sf, you are no good for me.

    and just like that she is back in my life. dancing.

  • tough questions

    ignorance is bliss.  is it?  would you want to know if you had cancer while it was still treatable? would you want to know your current bf/gf is only staying with you until they find something better? would you want to know?

    there is this really pathetic song I heard on the radio once about a guy asking his gf if she is cheating on him, not to let him know.  cuz his heart cant take it anymore.   the song goes something like that and i understand the man's sentiment, he loves this girl so much that he doesn't want to be broken-hearted and have the illusion of happiness in front of him destroyed. i get it.  and he probably does not want to deal with the inevitable breakup he has to go through and losing the happy moments he has with his girl.  i get it.  but lets take a moment and repeat after me.  "fuck that shit."

    "fuck that shit."

    following up with previous blog about knowing your worth, it also means knowing where you stand.  knowing where you stand with the people you spend your time with, with your job, and god knows with your fantasy college basketball team.  i am not saying to be an insecure person and asking those around you if you are loved and valued, but there is a time and place to say, "hey motherfawker, do you want me here or not?"   and its moments like this where people will let you know what they want and sometimes what they want and what you want does not align.  that does not make either of the parties bad people, but you need to know and the sooner you know, the better off you are.

    people are naturally aversive to disputes and contentions (see fight club homework assignments).  that and the hope that there may be that slim chance that things could actually work out on both ends paralyzes us on acting.  

    ask the tough questions.  to your boss, to your significant other, to the guy/girl you been having a fling.  where do i stand?  

    know your worth.  ask some questions. close some doors. #ontothenextone

     

      

  • choosing

    "i  love him and i know he is capable of more, but if he is not capable of more with me, then i dont want him." - rumi

    i have said it again and again, and we choose the love we think we deserve.  in essence,  we are living the exact lifestyle, have the exact career, and look the way we are because we have chosen to be these things.  we have either accomplished to the point we have desired and settled or we have determined this is the best we can possibly be at this given point in time.   

    i have this other friend.  i have blogged about her much, and she the only female friend that i am on edge with.  its not that, she is amazingly hot and it makes me second guess the witty words that are going to come out of my godsend mouth. no, that is definitely not the case.   she just doesn't put up with any of my shit.  if i am late for a hangout,  she is pissy.  if i cancel plans on her, she invoke the wrath of three legions on me.   and it works.   she gets my best, but at a cost.  i don't like to spend every moment with her and i can only take her in for spurts at a time, but the moments we do spend are planned in the way she has desired.   

    its that choice right.   that risk you are willing to take to get what you want from people.   and my friend rumi is willing to give this guy up and not settle for the crumbs.  she wants the whole cake or nothing at all.  she knows her worth, and if he is a smart guy he will recognize it.

    there is this saying i have heard once, but i dont think i fully understood. i am starting to understand.  "you can have anything you want in life, if you are willing to pay the price."   you want to be that boss tycoon entrepreneur running a start up in sf.  well say goodbye happy hours with friends, the safety and prestige of working that corporate job, and even family time/gf time.  you want that god like body, well put down that 5 dollar cupcake from sprinkles, say no to that new ramen shop everyone is trying, and truck your ass to the gym after that ten hour work day. i am learning in life you may not be able to get everything, but you can get the things you are willing to pay for.  that sacrifice i guess. the blood, sweat, and tears -- in other times.

    my friend rumi is a smart girl.  aged with wisdom and seeing the world for what it is.  she has set her priorities in motion and she is paying the price to get what she wants.   

    we either choose to life by design or a life by default. and trust me, the plan the world has set in motion for you already is a pretty shitty one. 

    choose to be happy.  choose to live.  ante up bitches, three months have passed into the new year.  i gotta keep paying my dues. i gotta keep paying that price.