February 18, 2013
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Marshmallows
"I think I like you."
"That's unfortunate. I think I like you too."
"That is indeed unfortunate," he smiles.
"In the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment, young children were promised two marshmallows by a researcher. The researcher presented them with the first one straight away and told them they’d get the second as long as they didn’t eat the first before the researcher returned. The researcher then left the room for 15 minutes. A few kids scarfed the marshmallow immediately while a minority held out for the second.
The children who held out did so by forcing themselves. They turned around and covered their eyes, they tugged at their pigtails, they kicked the table. Some even “stroked the marshmallow like a tiny stuffed animal”. Long term studies went on to show that the children who were able to do this, to delay gratification and wait for the second marshmallow also turned out to achieve more in life.
The conclusion was that the ability to delay gratification correlated with more success in the long run.
However I think there’s a second conclusion. It took 15 minutes for the researcher to eventually reappear and for the remaining children to receive their second marshmallow. The girl who held out, spent 15 minutes of her life tugging her pigtails, waiting anxiously for a marshmallow. Meanwhile, one of her other friends got a marshmallow immediately, left the experiment 15 minutes earlier and got back home in time for dinner and playtime.
Sometimes we have to force ourselves to stop living with our eyes covered and our backs turned, stroking our dreams like stuffed animals while we wait for a sorry marshmallow. We need to just eat the one that’s in front of us and enjoy it."
Good girls are hard to come by and I am in the process of lining my ducks in a row. My friend said it best, "Commitment means not doing things on the side, it means dedicating significant time and energy to the single task of building something great. Ignore all distractions, no dating, parties, eating out... Fuck, sometimes even taking a shit feels like a waste of time." And what is that thing I am currently building? It is not a startup like my friend, but I am currently building up myself.
That is the thing with people that are always working towards the future though. They never know how to enjoy the present, and its true that it is a great thing. One day these people will be building the empires we live in, but there is something to be said about enjoying the moment. Timing is the key. When do you enjoy and when do you delay gratification for something better?
The words are out there. Do we wait and build a stronger friendship and have more time for ourselves to grow as individuals or enjoy the moment?
Eff it. Marshmallows for all! OMNOMNOMNOM. Eat the one in front of us and enjoy it!
Comments (32)
I remember reading about this experiment in my psychology class. Quite interesting.:) I think it's really up to the individual person. Weigh the pro's and con's and not have regrets in the choices you make in life. If you feel you must live in the moment, then do so because tomorrow is never guaranteed. On the other hand, if you feel that you rather hold out for the greater goal, then go forth with it all. As they say, "Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
hahaa I say..take a bite of marshmallow while you bake more in the oven
It really depends. Some people are just fine with one marshmallow.
One thing is certain- time is immutable and moves on outside of anyone's will. It's not really a question of "either/or" but finding the right balance between living for today and planning for one's future goals. Just living for today leaves one vulnerable to not being prepared for future events and opportunities or difficulties. A perfect example of this is retirement planning. We will all be at retirement age if we are fortunate- and what we are able to do at that point, or even being able to afford to retire will likely depend largely on the things we did throughout the years leading up to that point.
On the other hand no one knows how much time they have on the planet so foregoing all enjoyment for a prolonged future time presents the risk of never arriving to that point and having an opportunity to enjoy that destination goal.
The combined work around is to make future plans, but also schedule time to be sure one enjoys the journey, as opposed to just the destination. How that translates in real life is one usually can't use all their resources for today but have to allocate a portion (time, money, commitment, etc..) for future goals.
Maaaannnnnn... marshmallows? Those are bad for you? What if a kid didn't eat either of them?
it's a fallacy to say that by thinking of the future, you miss out on the present.
the future shapes our present just as much as it affects where we'll end up in life. it should be known that it isn't enough to dream of the tomorrow we'd like to see; we must also do and act. that affects our actions, and it affects the present.
if your point is happiness, then i will say that happiness is subjective.
i like this
HOW FREAKING FREAKY. Literally a minute before I signed onto xanga and read through my subs, I was JUST WATCHING THE MARSHMELLOW EXPERIMENT on youtube! I have this thing where I can't sit through a movie or a show because of the anxiety, so I Wiki everything so I can read through it. My sister said I should look up the Marshmellow experiment. Lol.
Trust the research. Don't rationalize the benefit of lacking willpower. This psychological experiment and the knowledge gained is monumental, MONUMENTAL. The experiment wasn't about maybe getting a second marshmellow 10 years in the future. You wait, you absolutely get a second one in 15 minutes. If someone don't have it, are you going to believe him or her telling you great it is not having it? I want to hear it from someone who has it and chooses to let the foot off the pedal a bit. Discipline, son. Discipline. I ask myself, would I have been more successful if I had willpower? I know the answer is, "affirmative."
@zircle999 - thank you for that comment.
Peeps are cool.
It depends on how much a marshmallow is worth?
Is it worth 15 minutes of play time? Is it not?
one marshmallow in the stomach is worth two in the mind.
@nov_way - You're welcome. Respect and learn from sound and applicable research.
@Annieothergirl - @zircle999 - @zircle999 -
There are three things you may be overlooking
1) The researcher never said he would be back in 15 minutes. He said the child would get another marshmallow when he returns. He just happens to come back in 15 minutes.
2) The child trusted the words of the researcher, that he would deliver on his promise of the second marshmallow. What if there was no second marshmallow and suffered in vain? 3) Even then, people underestimate what 15 mins represents to a child. It is an eternity.
And I love what is stated here.@l0311879l - one marshmallow in the stomach is worth two in the mind.
Your thoughts?
@Manbeast - Simple message: Be happy with what you have.
@Annieothergirl - you make my life so much simpler.
I am very happy
@SoullFire - agreed and agreed. You sir are too wise.
@Thatslifekid - apparently every kid wanted marshmallows lolz
@pcketfulofsunshine - coming from someone whose name is pocketful of sunshine, i will gladly take advice on happiness. thanks for commenting
@youngvan - haha that is pretty freaky!
@coolmonkey - i like this thought as well.
haha! i like the 2nd conclusion - actually something worth considering through life!
It isn't just simply do one thing or wait for another. One's choices, in combination with those of others', affect potential future timelines. When just enough people have faith in the other gender, they're almost guaranteed a matching life partner. I do agree that timing is everything. But pressures on minds affect clarity of thought and how signals are interpreted. You want one thing, it's guaranteed to you if you find out in time who has it, and haven't been too screwed up by mind games to negotiate signals sent by others. A person who wants marriage can hardly have a great life with someone who wants to live completely differently, and you only just find out around the time you marry, or after; or only after bonding to the point you can't stand separation.
I know that since i don't really know you this is going to come off as overly harsh, and i apologize for that because from the few things i have read from you i think more highly of you than this; in fact, i got here because someone rec'ed a comment. so after i read it i had already formed my opinion and then was actually surprised to see who wrote it.
"Do we wait and build a stronger friendship and have more time for ourselves to grow as individuals or enjoy the moment?Eff it. Marshmallows for all! OMNOMNOMNOM. Eat the one in front of us and enjoy it! "
this here makes the entire thing sound like a justification of the entire YOLO movement and basically saying "screw self discipline, screw what's right, do whatever feels good." and frankly, that sickens me. it seems that more and more people are less concerned with being a worthwhile person and more concerned with just getting whatever they can out of life that brings them pleasure no matter who they hurt in the process.
@iones_island - agreed and I am glad that you have read some of my things and thought well of me. The last statement is me taking a step back from all the seriousness of my words prior. It is attempt to flee from the thoughts and the real plan to commit to discipline and wait for the true morsels of life.
I tread softly on others' dreams and yolo is far from any mentality i would ever preach.
the justaposition and non sequitur of that final statement should show that it was meant to be light hearted.
Thanks for the comment and i hope you come by more often. I hope annie recs more comments.
@Manbeast - im glad to hear that.. i failed to read it that way, so, my bad.
I guess when it all comes together you need to have short term goals and long term goals, otherwise delayed gratification risks becoming frustration.
My comment recs bring all the Xangans to the yard...And they're like, it's better than yours. Damn right, it's better than yours.
tee-hee
Everyone has such eloquent ways of voicing their thoughts. Just found it worth reading as well as the post that spun those responses.
@iones_island - No the fault is not your own. As a writer, your perception is appreciated and I will work to fine tune this art so that communication is always clear.
And yes to long and short term goals. Eat this marshmallow, while I bake more in the oven apparently. How are marshmallows even made hah?
@Annieothergirl - YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!
@Manbeast - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTwCZjnLfXY
@iones_island - HAHAHAH! I am watching this right now
@iones_island - Making marshmallows is a lot of work! Forget it. I am over this lolz
A wonderful follow-up experiment in 2012 actually addressed your concern about trust. "[I]n addition to self-control, children’s wait-times are modulated by an implicit, rational decision-making process that considers environmental reliability. (http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0010027712001849)" The experiment supported your contention that children who do not trust the experimenter delayed gratification for a significantly lesser time. A good follow-up experiment would at the end, ask the participant if he or she believed the experimenter would deliver the reward as promised. Then we can better control for trust. Nevertheless, social psychology experiments reveal brilliant insight into human dynamics and expectations. The principles I learned in Social Psychology bolstered my understanding of human and my ability to interact successfully with humans, humanoids, and ovarites.
So what if something seems an eternity to a child? So what if something seems to be an eternity for an adult? So what if a woman or man thinks it will be an eternity before she or he can afford a house? Should she or her not even try because it feels so distant? The disciplined mind finds ways ignore or bypass the feelings of hopelessness. If I was more disciplined and focused, I probably would have finished my thesis. Unfortunately, I failed. What is a reasonable excuse when others finished theirs? No good excuse exists. I failed.
My only regret with my previous comment is that I did not proofread it and it is missing a word or two and poorly written. When will Xanga finally have an edit function? I don't want to simply delete it.
http://www.rochester.edu/news/show.php?id=4622
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