December 4, 2012

  • Medley of Feelings

    I am the youngest person at my firm.  Being the youngest, every person wants to be a mentor to me.  Maybe its my hard working attitude or the look in my eye that says I want to take on the world.  Whatever it is, it seems I am able to get away with a lot and also everyone is always giving me insight.

    Its hard to be young because it seems with age comes wisdom. I am forced to change my appearance and dress and act older.   Recently, I have been noted by two of my managers that I appear over confident.  This would be an amazing persona if I could execute on all my tasks, but the lack of training provided and my recent apathy it is hard to completely be available for every task or project given to me.  I am never one to fail at anything I do, but I am being challenged in my role as I am expected to have an engineering background but do not have one.   No one oversees my work and thus I do the best I can while asking for the advice that is given to me.   

    It seems everyone is overworked and there are too many issues to fully invest  in anyone individual so when things fall through the crack it is not only my fault but the fault of the managers around me.   They see they are at fault as well but at the same they rather have me push harder or have someone that can fully perform all job functions with any intercession on their part.  This situation is completely understandable, yet selfish on their part.  

    Its hard to say what I would like to with myself these days. I have sales skills, presentation skills, some program management skills, pricing skills, and lots and lots of excel skills.   My friend says I should be a project manager for a sales company.  Maybe a small one where you are more invested, but I have no interest in anything right now.  I hate working.  People say they hate working, but I HATE WORKING! I can not see  myself working for the next 40 years of my life and I do not know how people do it.   

    I have been debating about law school.  I am an avid learner and my logic is definitely getting there.  A part of me would be getting it just for the laurels.   It would be a stupid decision on my part.  I would love to get an MBA, but do not know how top tier of a school I can get in with my lack of finance and consulting skills.   

    Although I am here questioning life, I know I am entirely blessed that although some of these thoughts may be foolish they are readily available to me.  If I were to pursue any of the handful of choices I have in front of me, I would definitely be able to follow through.

    That is the problem when you have the ability to float through life. I have floated for so so long.  What do I want to do?  Where do my passions lie?   

    I refuse to settle and be content, but I sit here paralyzed by the analysis that runs through my brain with all the options I think are before me.  Analysis paralysis.  

    Life is hard.  It is really really hard.   Everyone is fighting their biggest struggle.   I been in transitions for a while.  Striving and working towards something that I do not know.  The Master Hands sees the story, but I am working through the pages.  I know the end will be sweet.  I am working my way through the chapter.  I need a break.   I need to pause.   God is good.  Christmas is coming.   There will be time to reflect.  Time to breathe.  

    I am only 26.  Life is only truly beginning for me.   Come what may.  

Comments (10)

  • whatever your struggles are, i cannot be more proud of you, d. second, no one has all the answers in their hands.
    third, this is personal but subjectively unfair to say, considering the difference in our experience: in any direction you're heading, please, david, please, please be mindful with people's kindness in helping you, whether small or big that leaded you somewhere privileged. i feel that people are forgetting this, becoming full of it, and lacking in human elements.

  • "The reason visualization is so powerful is because as you create pictures in your mind of seeing yourself with what it is you want, you are generating thoughts and feelings of having it now. Visualization is simply powerfully focused thought in pictures, and it causes equally powerful feelings."

    Remember that movie clip you let me watch? I think the same concept goes with career choices along with love/relationship choices. Sometimes you just need to choose a "cookie" and just take a bite out of it. Whatever path you choose to propel yourself with though, I know you'll not only survive but thrive and excel, David. ;)

  • Agreed you need a break. We all go through these phases. Good luck!

  • Take that time to reflect and meditate so when 2013 comes around you will be ready. You will come into 2013 as Manbeast 2.0! Oh damn! I can't wait to see the adventures you're going to have as Manbeast 2.0! lol

  • you ARE only 26 :P so young :P  

    mmmm plenty of options out there :D I can see you as a lawyer LOL

  • I will love you... until the end... of...

  • Come back to school at Berkeley! :D

  • I know a millionaire at 23, he's pretty much my motivation. Just jumped out of the shower at 18 one day with an idea and it boomed. 

  • I have a very difficult time focusing on one passion... there are just SO many possibilites and I love change - freshness, newness... its what keeps me going. BUT, this is also my struggle. I wanted to be a wife, done. I wanted to be a mother, done. Now what? I fill so many roles, but none of them alone fulfill and I just can't seem to stop long enough to pin something down that I won't want to change once I get there...

    is there a career that is forever evolving?

  • oh wow. I feel like I wrote this lol. literally in the same boat as you...

    I hate being the youngest at work sometimes. 
    to go or not to go to law school...

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