March 26, 2012
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Crazy
Its the rhythm of her speech. The pauses she takes in between her words. The moments she likes to react to your words.
On the busy commute home, I usually open up my phone, skim through my contact list, and see I have not caught up with in a while. I find it more valuable to catch up with an old friend than to listen to the top 40 being played on the radio on repeat for the last month.
We talk about work and life and the things keeping us busy in this phase of our life. She recently got a boyfriend. Its been a year for them now. I have never interacted with her really with her having a boyfriend. She was always single during our college years. I wonder how much different it would be seeing her with a boyfriend.
T: It's different, ... you know. He makes me ... crazy sometimes. He use to date around a lot. YOU would know. But he has changed. He is not the type of guy to expect anything from you that he would not do himself, ya know? How about you? How are ... you and Becky?
D: Very good. She is studying for her OATs and we been dating now for almost 2 years.
T: You still hang out with other girls?
D: Of course. We have a lot of trust. She is a very confident girl and we know we would never date anyone else even though we have the options of other people.
T: You should both go on Google Latitude so you guys always know where each other are.
D: Well that wouldn't really be trust. Knowing everything the other person does and where they are at all times is not trust. Knowing that they are with other people but choose you at the end of the day is trust to me.
T: So she knows what you are doing and you tell her everything.
D: More or less. She knows who I am with and what I am up to but I don't bore her with the details.
It makes me wonder. If she and her boyfriend have each other on Latitude so they know where each other are at all times. I wonder what crazy things they ask each other to do. I can imagine a girl telling me to stop hanging out with my female friends and pointing to the fact that she does not hang out with her guy friends anymore. It would be only fair she would tell me. She would cry to me and yell at me of the sacrifices she is willing to make for me that I am not willing to make for her. I love this friend T of mine and she beats to another rhythm. A rhythm that just isn't mine.
Becky and I are perfect for one another. She is a person of quality that will continue to grow in beauty and strength. She has tons of guys that she meets all the time that love to spend time with her and find her amazingly cute and funny. These things remind me of why I love her and to never take it for granted that in this moment of time I can call her mine.
For myself, I am a guy full of wit, charm, and an illusion of depth. I have the ability to connect with people and be dependable and solve peoples' problems. Because of these things and my ability to be a connector/life of the party, there is never a shortage of female friends on my list as well. But even with all these choices, I choose Becky at the end of the day each and every day. I choose to become a better man because of her.
To me this is true security and trust. But love makes us all crazy sometimes. Not judging anyone. We all beat to a different rhythm. It just so happens my rhythm and Becky's sync, align, and resonate with one another. For that, I am glad.
Comments (18)
everyone has different expectations on trust and security, but at the end of the day, you just gotta find someone whose heart is in sync with yours, someone who's on the same wavelength.
wonderful post, made me smile on a gloomy day
Very insightful. Makes me think a lot about what I value in my relationships.
love this. love you and Becky. I always think of you guys when I think of a healthy, trusting relationship.
thats awesome. you sound like my bf. i, however, ... sound a bit like t
@girl_smileyy - Lol babe I was wondering if he was talking about you for a second there too haha
I think trust is an important factor in making a relationship survive. An argument I had with an ex was he would say he would trust me but he didn't trust the guys around me. If he really trusted me wouldn't he have trusted that I would never give those guys a chance? Difference of opinion I guess
That is the true definition of trust.
love this
I admire your relationship. This is very very sweet.
=) i really needed to read this.
i don't need to know where my man is all the time. i just need to know that he's safe.
i'm still trying to deal with my issue regarding other women. i trust him. other women, not so much.
@suuperstar - agreed. wavelengths
@Thatslifekid - when u figure it out please come back and share
@Wenjie -
@girl_smileyy - haha em! you are hilarious. its okay! if you and him are happy with that then let it be. but if u think u can grow a little bit than push forward
@petitetokio - this is a bullshit argument imo. Guys pull shit on girls all the time. I dont trust them but i trust you. What does that mean? Does that mean you have no control over ur situation? that if a "shady" guy made a move on you that you would let him. i am on your side pt.
@MJeeeeeeeezy - i glad you agree
@Unbounded_Thoughts - thank you
@Southeast_Beauty - Hahah please see PT's response above. You got this Firda. you have nothing to worry about. IF another girl can snatch him away you want to find out sooner or later. That is my opinion. If a guy can snatch becky away, he better be one high caliber guy. dont live in fear.
nahhh ... my excuse really is that love has made me crazy. i never was before! but what's really bothered me has been the scandalous past on that man. while i, too, have had the occasional dirty sex ... nothing compares to the scandals on him
i need to take a page from you and your girl!
@girl_smileyy - haha yeah! i was the same! my past is full of jar of hearts and sad times and crazy adventures, but if you trust him he will only rise to the challenge and love you more because of it. no one likes living in the shadows of their past. GOOD LUCK!!
@Manbeast - Aww. Thanks! Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize that the sentiment "I trust you but I don't trust them" is a little contradictory. When it comes down to it, what other women do matters very little if at the end of the day he's coming home to me and if they're able to easily take him away, then maybe it isn't the women I should be concerned about... =)
I have no fear! Hahaha. Seriously. This exchanged has helped.
@Southeast_Beauty - what are friends for? All these boyfriends out there dont know what I am doing. I am totally helping the cause.
I share this attitude, and its good to know it may not be in vain to have trust and be happy.
That's great that you and Becky have that level of trust. If someone were to constantly want to know what I was doing, where I was going, who I was with, I'd go crazy myself =P.
I have a scenario for you: What if you knew someone who was partnered with someone else, but then this person got drunk and did some inappropriate things? You confronted this person and told him/her that what he/she did was disrespectful and lacked integrity. This person apologized but is still with his/her partner. Would you say anything to his/her partner even though you don't really know his/her partner? Would you close ties completely with this person even though he/she apologized?
@K12N9 - This happens all the time in my world. Maybe because it happens a lot or people open up to me. The best solution is to talk to the friend that did inappropriate things and have him come to the conclusion that he should talk his gf/bf about it.
The thing is with inappropriate things. Everyone has a different degree. I know some girls would kill their bf just for calling another girl past 9 pm, while some girls dont mind their guy dancing with other people at the club.
Ultimately, the relationship is theirs I believe and this person was ur friend for a good number of reasons. I dont believe we should be judged for a single incident. Now if this is a reoccuring problem, then the two of you may need a serious talk.
Even then, I always question if it really matters. Because 20 years from now, if this girl and him are both happy, did it matter that he kissed another girl once. These relationships things are confusing and I say tread with caution. Don't lose a friend over this and dont have a halo effect of this person just from one action. But if this is you and this is the territory where you have an all or nothing, then talk to ur friend about it. Dont leave him or her without fully explaining your thought process.
I hope that helps.
@Manbeast - Yeah...it helps. Thanks =).
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