I love meeting new people.  I like hearing people's sayings and quotes. I recently got transferred to another department (good news to come) and I am working with a whole new set of people.

Boss: Make sure you schedule that appointment with BY and Holly.

BY: Don't worry I can handle this.

Boss: David, do you know what grin-fawking is?

David: No sir.

Boss: It is when a guy smiles at you in front of your face but is fawking your wife behind your back. 

David:  ....  hahaha. I will schedule that appointment.

David: I spoke with Tracy and Holly in Fremont and this is what they said.

BY: Let's get all the liars into one room.  And then we can figure this out.  

Laying next to the one I love at night is one of the best parts of my day.

There are nights when I know all she wants is to be held by me. Other nights she wants success in her career and for her mother to be happy and not have to worry about her and her optometry applications.

Tonight, however it is sleep that she wants more than anything. Not The kind of sleep one gets from amorous affection but she h as spent the day hiking and going to the beach. I can still smell the smoke in her hair from the bonfire.

I enjoy romantic love and disciplined love, but I also enjoy crazy love. Crazy love is when u ddrive 8 hours to L.A. just to spend a fee hours with them. Crazy love spends 2000 every other month for plane tickets. Crazy love stays up all night to listen to the silly stories of the other persons day even when you have morning meetings and presentations.

Some nights I want her happiness more than anything else. Tonight I think is one of those nights. Wanting another's happiness over your own probably falls under crazy love.

No one will give you shit for chasing the wrong career if you wanted it.  

But there is such a thing as chasing the wrong girls.   Timing cannot be underestimated.  

Going back to one of the oldest adages I know.  You can lose money chasing girls, but you never lose girls chasing money.  

Advice for my friends.  

I am beyond happy right now. It isnt a temporary form of a happiness but its a mentality one that can last for years if I can keep the perspective.

Life is hard.  I have come to realize how hard it really is.  My friends are going through break ups.  People are dying.   Money and time issues are always prevalent.  

Suffering is inevitable. But I have learned to suffer for a purpose.  Do not self-inflict suffering.   There are so many things that go wrong and very few things we can control.  My friend is going through a break up and it hurts.   She is sad a lot of times, but there is not much she can do.  There is a time and place for suffering, but inflicting hurt on one self longer than necessary does no good to anyone.   

I am learning to just remind myself to be grateful of the things I do have.   I remind myself three things I am grateful for every night before I go to sleep. 

Last weekend, I went skydiving with Becky and a couple of friends.   We were scared a bit and the concern is that we would die somehow.  Some Final Destination type event you know.  But we made it and had a blast.  On the way back from the landing site to the skydiving office,  we saw the most horrendous accident ever.  A car was split in half around a tree and surely the person in the car had passed away.   I am sure the driver could not imagine that he would pass away the moment he got in his car today.   But life is that way sometimes.  We never know what breath will be our last.   

I am not trying to be morbid as much as I am trying to put life into perspective.  There are times when you go through things like a heartbreak or a situation at work that we think will be the end of us, but it really is not   God is a good God and will only have us bear what we can.  The moment we are on the brink he will come and rescue us, but what we are left with is a great lesson or some new strengths or skill.  We were able to handle being the new students, high school sweethearts/breakups , and SATs.  The feelings don't change. The stakes just get higher.  And we are more than prepared for this moment.  

Scared out of my mind, but loving it.  We survived. You see the smile on Becky's face right there.    I love that smile.  I think that's the smile I fell in love with.  

It is hard for me today to believe that there are absolute truths.  I feel as though everyone is living their lives the best way they know.   I used to believe that there was a certain rules that people should follow and certain behaviors that are accepted over others, but I do not think any of that matters. I dont think we need to justify our actions with words.  Just continue to be you and the world has to fit into your paradigm.

Steve Jobs had this type of personality where others coined it a distorted reality.  His believe and conviction on something distorted your idea of the world creating what he wanted to come into fruition.   He would use this distorted reality to push his management and team to meet deadlines that were otherwise impossible.   That without a sense of apology is how he lived his life I believe.  I still need to finish his biography that is sitting on my desk.  

I had a friend in high school named Richard.  He was the guy that I looked up to the most and also my best friend.  I wanted to be like him and even started dressing in his style.   He was very mysterious and never gave his opinion on things and people and thus girls were charmed by his lack of words and wanted to figure him out and liked him more.   There is a lot of truth to this that I still have yet to fully prescribe to.   

Abraham lincoln once said that it is better to be silent and thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.  His point was that people can think you are an idiot, but they really have no idea.  It is when you say stupid shit with your mouth then you proved their assumptions about you in the first place.  There is a skill in keeping our opinions and why we do what we do a secret.  A child that appears to forget to wash the dishes is better than the child that brazenly defies to wash the dishes at times.   The difference is behind the motive of the child and the motive can only be proven if the child brings that knowledge forward.  There is that doubt that one can use to why an action has been done.  Was it out of selfishness or purely a mistake?  In the court of law, you never need to prove your innocence.  You just need to introduce doubt into the picture and if you can create this doubt, then no human would convict another without full knowledge.  

What I been trying to say is I wish I was more enigmatic than always having reason and logic for my every action.  I wish I can just walk away and listen or pretend to agree when people say things without validity.  I question their motives, their actions, and the context.  I wonder why I try to understand people and the world around me when I barely understand myself.   If looking outward can help me solve the riddle of the desires of the soul, then I am on the right track.  I believe in the third eye.  Do you? 

You know.  They say you dont learn anything new by talking.  Maybe I will dive into the mind of the people I think are illogical and lacking depth of reason.   Maybe I am the one that has been fooled of my understanding of the world.  Because what holds true in such a dynamic world.  

I lose weight during the week only to gain it back during the weekends.  I am convinced alcohol was produced by either the devil or fat people.  They want us skinny folks to be fat like them and they know we aren't suckers for candy and cake, but that sweet sweet nectar.  

My friend just got her masters and she is going out in the city on friday to celebrate and my other friend just got a new job and is leaving sf and they plan to go out on saturday.  Must stay home.  Save money and get sexy.  Sounds like an easy choice, but so is choosing between the stairs and the escalator. Nine times out of ten, you will see me riding the mechanical god send to the top.   

everything to me is a distraction at times.  people are dying all over the place.  riots in la or somewhere in socal.  people being shot in movie theaters while they are just trying to get away from the monotony and lack of adventure in their own lives.  believing in heroes to save them only to be put in a situation where only heroes can save them. i am too weak to read the stories of heroism and how daughters took bullets for mothers, how boyfriends gave their lives to girlfriends, how children who have not yet to be born shared the fate of their mothers,  how one woman escaped death once only to be greeted by it once more.  I have no words.  I don't want to talk about gun control. I dont want to talk about the justice system and how he might claim insanity and get off. I dont want to talk about his race and how if he was muslim, white, black, yellow, pink, buddhist, christian or anything else and how that would have played into it.   I can only walk away echoing the words of anne frank.  I believe in spite of everything people are still good at heart.  And you have to.  

But I keep my head down for another reason.  Not only out of respect but i have my own agendas.  My own story i am working to unleash to the world and if i dont focus i might falter.  I might miss my cue for my next jump or my next hop or skip.   its horrible to say, but i am learning more and more this thought is creeping into my mind. i dont like it and i believe my parents are the one that have pushed it on me the most.  at the end of the day, no one is going to take care of  you but your family.  forget about the government, your neighbors, or even your closest friends.  you honestly have to put yourself higher on the rungs of society to protect yourself.  I want to make it and i need to just focus on that and that alone.  everything else is a distraction.   

but what matters at the end of our lives.  nothing really.  those sitting in those seats had dreams.  they worked hard and life is what it is.  

i dont know what i am saying, but relationships do matter. and not only do they matter to me but i want to be able to not only be able to spend time with my friends and family at any moment i want, but i want to experience the world with them.  i want to say stupid shit that we only dared utter when we were in elementary school. i want to buy out the block in a neighborhood so me and all my best friends can live together. i want to travel the world.  i want to fly to the moon with them.  i want to buy my family and extended family everything they would need.  i want a wife that can paint all day if she wanted to or a wife that can take over corporate america. I want a wife that could be mayor of the ninth biggest island in hawaii because we own this piece.  

Push and pull, side by side, all the way to the top. Family is what we do it for.  

My friend and I decided to start making a difference in the world.  Jess and I are always talking about how we want to change the world, and we are starting small with local organizations.  I am now a Health Ambassador and certified food handler.  That means I can make food and pass it out to people in need.

We got out at 3 and decided this is a great time for a picnic. On we went.  

My friend Jeremy came with 3 bottles of wine and we started to chip away at it.   Drinking in the park is simple amazing fun.

Good friends and wine.  What is not to love?  I hear gratitude is the secret of success.  Well I am grateful for friends, food, sun, and my good health.  

sometimes i feel like i am where i am because i cant do better.  i believe your social context and the way your parents raised you really follow you through your adult life.

i am reading the art of seduction by robert greene and it talks about women who have had fathers dote on them through their childhood and given them everything. these daughters grow up with that sense of confidence and knowing that the world should bow down to them because they have been treated that way in their younger years.  It is what is expected.  inversely,  girls that grow up with daddy issues , fathers that are not there or worst a deadbeat,  grow up with much lower expectations.  when confronted into situations with boyfriends that dont treat them well or even jobs that are abusive,  they have learned to settle since that has been the standard they faced their entire lives.  

fathers love your daughters and provide for your sons.  it honestly shapes us in intangible, subconscious ways that truly linger.  but like all chains,  links can be broken and knowing our natural states we can push forth to arenas and situations in which the soul and mind can truly flourish.  that being said, i continue my journey of breaking through.  girl,  you are beautiful and worth more than you will ever know.  i just wanted to let you know you are not a horrible person.  <3

Sometimes I get overwhelmed and discouraged.  Fear of the unknown envelops me and I want to cry.  Not cry as in tears, but cry to be heard.  So others can come and tell me nice things so I can feel good about myself.

I have one friend that just doesn't allow me any moment of such comfort.  She simply responds "start small."  I can not hate her because the advice is perfect in any moment of hardship.  We must start small.  Start tackling the small things we can tackle  and then the bigger things will come.

My impatience and immaturity is definitely showing.  I need to swallow the advice I so freely give.  Anything great that is worth getting never came easy.  It isn't how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up.  Its when you get up do you still have the will to fight and hit life as hard as it just hit you.  Rocky was on to something.  Maybe that is why we all love those movies so much, where the person fails so many times and then eventually breaks through. 

We all want it for ourselves.  Vicariously we see their victories as our own, because along the way some of us got knocked down so hard that all we can do is to cheer on others on the rise.  That is our idea of staying in the fight.  I guess if enough people make it, that may inspire some of us to give it another shot.  There is hope.

Breaking through.... never hurt so ... GOOD!