I had that talk.  You know that talk you have with your ex about 3 months after you guys break up and your head is clear.  Where you are far enough removed from the situation that you can evaluate it for what it truly is.  

And you know, closure does not really bring more satisfaction than not knowing does.  Unless you are completely clueless and self-absorbed, one kind of has an idea on why things fell apart and why things are as they are.  And there are times when we wish we could have been done better.  I wish she would have told me this or I wish she would have told me that, but at the end of the day, the two of you are no longer one.  Your plans and goals for life, your weekend plans for that matter, no longer need to be dependent on the other.  

Life has a way of moving on pretty quickly and it really does not stop for too long to feel the emptiness or the sadness.   For me, I think we are selfish and we want to hold onto the good things that we currently have while getting more and more.  Sometimes our hands our too full in life to grasp more and those are the times we have to let go of what is good to achieve what is great.   I always admired her ambition and how she would never settle for less than the best. 

I am a very civil guy and at this point in time I know me and her can be friends and we can be in the same room and be cordial.  That I already know.  The question I ask myself is can I see myself asking her specifically to hang out or inviting her over to a family function.    It is too soon to tell, but I hope I can be a person that is capable of that.  That I can not be selfish and feel hurt and truly let it go forever and always.   There will have to be consequences for the way she let things end, but can we restore our friendship and trust.   I do not know these answers and everyone is capable of enduring different things.

It is just the way her eyes are.  She had always won me over with her eyes and when I look at her I always want to take on all her problems and make it go away.  Even if the problem is the guilt she feels and how much she owes me from our relationship.  

I thank her for all she has done for me and I have locked in time our two years together and I will only take the good and take the lessons and the ways in which we made each other better people.    I forgive her, but I do tell her to put on her fighting gloves if she wants to "go to war for my friendship."   These were her words.  I have held her safe in my arms long enough.  I have fought the battles for the both of us where I could.  It is time for me to look out for myself and move ahead.  

I am eager to see how this all plays out.  I hope we can be friends once again.  I hope we can be that Gwen Stefani type of "cool."

 "Hope is a good thing.. probably the best of things.. and no good thing ever dies." - The Shawshank Redemption

You see the thing about me is I don't get angry and maybe I should, but my strength is I am ridiculously positive.   

So you know how when you have a girlfriend,  your friends usually give you a +1 to bring her to the wedding because they have known her and all.  But this year,  there was that gap where no one knew me and Becky broke up so I still have a +1 I can bring to the wedding.  

I talked to my friend and he said go ahead and bring anyone I want.  Boy, was that stupid of him?

I have never had the option of choosing who to bring so I am very excited about who I am gonna bring as my date  to this fancy wedding with all my friends.  I have mutual friends that are pretty cute and I know that I would have fun with, but I can bring some other hot bombshell, arm candy to make me look good.   Pretty exciting stuff huh.  

Please note, I am back.  I will be blogging mostly on public blogs once again.  Becky and I have broken up for almost 3 months now and the mourning period is over.  I am now moving into the transitioning period where I just do me and be happy.  Possibly be open to the idea of dating, but probably not.  

Who should I bring as a +1?  Mutual friend or hot date?  Hire a stripper?  
Anyone xangan free to be in Emeryville, CA on Jan 19th at 4:30 pm? 

Life is good.  I want you to know David. Despite the ups and downs, I want you to know I am so very proud of you.  You have every thing you need and you are so blessed.  Never lose sight of who you are as you continue to work your way to the top.  The world is yours.  Just remember you have to pay the price.   The best things in life are never free.  Except maybe family, friends, and sometimes good food.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! 

I am starting to do things I would resist doing before.  As part as my I am only 26 how do i know what I really like anyways mode,  I am running a 10K.  

Let it be known that I have not ran a single mile in the last 2 years.   I recently trained on Friday running two miles and Saturday 2 miles.   I effing hate cardio.   It's okay though.  I do not know what i like. And I do not know what is really good for me.  

IT'S GOING DOWN ON THURSDAY!!! 

Running it with one of my best buds to boot! 

We get mistaken for brothers all the time! SO FRESH AND SO CLEAN CLEAN!

Please do not mind my moments of weakness. I use to have those types of blogs here and there but I would always make them private.  I think other people feel the same way too and it is okay to put it all out there.

I have been through a whirlwind of travels and I have not slept on my own bed on the weekends for the last 4 weeks.  LA, Vegas, NY, and then SF/Berkeley.   I am getting amazingly good from being rejected with sleeping on beds both by guys and girls.  Some of my guy friends are jerks that only let other girls sleep on their beds and the "I will sleep over and you sleep under the sheets" trick does not work on girls.   But I mostly been sleeping on couches and beds in hotels.   It is kind of a weird feeling because each time you wake up the site at which your eyes open are not the most familiar to you.   

I am doing better and its been 2 months and a half since my break up.   The first month I dived myself back into the church and the bible.  The second month I ran as far as I could.   Now I am back trying to simply find the balance.   

I think I will always be going through some form of transition, because I have that sense of destiny.  I finally have a clear vision of the great things that are to come for myself. Things are definitely on the come up.

This is a picture of me and my really really good friend Gloria.   We had the most awesome adventure together.  This is us after running two miles and then rock climbing.  We had Dim Sum at the best place in SF.  Hong Kong Lounge. I promise you it is the best I have ever had.  

Her and I are nothing I promise.  She actually hates my guts a lot of times and undermines my thoughts of how awesome I am.  She is amazingly athletic and is senior acct at her firm on her way to manager in the next year.   Any of you sexy boss tycoons want to holler I would love to hook you up.  

I like this picture because I look semi buff in it.  I am single too by the way :p

"If you are here,  you might as well be here.  If you aren't here, where are you then?"

I think it is very seldom where I meet someone that is completely in the moment.  Where there point of reference of time is where they are and goes back a little and goes forward a little.

The majority of people live in the past and are always wishing for the better days of their youth and prime.

Others are living for the future always chasing something they have yet to achieve or accomplish.

But its rare.  Its rare to find people to be completely happy with where they are and yet excited for things to come and fulfilled with the things that have passed.  

I simply want to meet more of these types of people.  I want to watch them work and how they go about their day.  I want to be inspired.  

I find myself building up other people just to be inspired by them.  

Went for a walk with a older coworker who treats me like a son.  He said to me "it's just a job."  And for him it is.  He does it just to do it here.  He has no passion or excitement for what he does.  And I wonder to myself how many people I talk to who are just getting by.  It is so rare to find that one individual that is so excited about what they do.   It reminds me of the story of the two men laying bricks for their work.  One man when asked what he was doing responded, " Just laying brick after brick."  The other responded, "I am building a Church so that my kid's will have a place to worship."   

It makes me think that sometimes I need to see the bigger picture.  I need to remind myself of the vision I have for myself 5 years from now and that my actions today bring me closer to that step.  Its hard to remind myself that while I am staring at spreadsheets getting on conference calls here to mexico and here to china on parts, widgets, ocean, and air freights that I do not care anything about.  That it is these skills I will directly need in the future for something much greater.   But if I lose sight of that,  the moment simply hurts.  And I can not even enjoy the moment.

I guess that is it.  People find a reason for their essence.  A reason to persevere and endure.  Its easy to give up on yourself than on someone else.  And its easier to work towards an ideal than yourself as well.   Ideals worth fighting for are hard for me so I must find people worth fighting for.  Worth making a difference for.  

The winter season is coming.  I feel it in my spirit.  Winters are always the hardest for me.  I do not know why.

We need you. Fight the good fight.  

"If you could call yourself five years ago and had 30 seconds, what would you say?"

-Source Quora

It was 6 am. The sun was starting to peak through the night sky, but I could not tell from where.  Through her window on the 26th floor in Midtown all I could see was the horizon of skyscrapers.   The night was still present and looking down I can see silhouettes of taxis and cars.

My feet were hurting intensely as a suburban boy who never walked a farther distance than from his car to his office.  I swear we had walked over 100 blocks that night as we went from speakeasy, to club, to bar, to other bar, and to late night pizza.  That coupled with yesterday's travel through Central Park, the Guggenheim, and the Met had left me in some serious pain.  She had mocked me all through the night as I was not able to endure while she had to walk the same distance in 4 inch heels.   It is rare that I am ever up and about until 6 am, but maybe it was the time difference in my head or the intoxication from the night of drinking or the intoxication from the city and all it had to offer.

Still astonished by the view and how this apartment with an amazing view was enough for 7-8 BMW leases a month, an amount of money I could not fully rationalize.  I took in a deep breath and continued to look our her window in astonishment of how amazing life is.  How much of the world have I yet to discover?  And in that moment I looked at her.  You wouldn't know how sharp her tongue was and how quick her wit was from the look of for her petite and cute frame.   

Through the night, I had been chatting with her and trying my best not to "lawyered" by her.  My only escape was the fact that she had not been sworn in and it would be about 3 months until she was officially a lawyer.   She settled for telling me she "JD'ed" me, initials to a word I still pretend to understand.  

I was impressed.  I was impressed by the city and impressed by her ambition for the world and to her audacity that she deserved all this and more.  

We went to sleep. And in the morning when I woke up at 11:30 am, she had let me know that she had already been up since 9 am working.   

I ask her, "How do you do it? Aren't you tired?"

She simply responds, "You just have to get it done no matter how you are feeling." 

And I have always believed I was a hard worker. And I have always believed that I have what it takes.  But there are truly some days I linger before I take that step out at bed.   

This morning I woke up back in San Jose completely exhausted. All the traveling, drinking, and 5 hr sleeps had finally caught up to me.  I looked at the time on the clock and I simply told myself. "It has to get done." 

I started my day with that expression.  I think I will continue saying these words to myself very often as I climb to higher and higher levels in life.  She is on the 26th floor.  I need to level past this one.  

I can't let a 5 foot 3 Asian girl pass me up in life.  No matter how cute she is.

Katz Deli - Asians taking pictures of Asians taking pictures of food

What are some fun things to do in SF after hours that does not involve drinking?  This would be for 11/16. 

Any ideas.