July 12, 2012

  • Oceans Apart

    I hate when Vietnam calls. Its always problems and asking for money. How many generations does filial piety last? Does it transcend oceans and cultural differences?

    Wanted to leave this response to the comments on FB, but found it too revealing.  Thank god for xanga. 

    My grandma recently passed away and we sent home money for the funeral and only have of it was actually used toward the funeral and the other half was used for my aunt's gambling addiction and gf that she has been chasing. After my grandma died, immediately my aunt who is 50 put the house that our family owned in Vietnam down as collateral for a loan since she was the title holder after my grandma passed away. She needed more money to play with and gamble to chase down her love thing. Now the creditors are demanding outrageous interest or they will take the house.

    Our family with our aunts and uncles in America as a unit sends back more than enough money on a monthly basis to cover food, living, and then some. I believe behaviors like this are created because they know my parents will bail them out no matter what. This may be why no one over there even has a job or needs to because their needs can always be met by us. I understand their situation and circumstances are much different than our own and do not have the type of access to higher education and employment, but there are limits to how much of this destructive behavior that our family should be enabling.

    So the question is leave my aunt and our other two aunts who live in the same house homeless or send thousands of dollars to bail her out? Where is her own accountability for her actions then? Situations are never black and white and I do not think there is an answer. Keep the drip on I guess.

Comments (8)

  • Same money problem at home, just different scenario. Must be a Vietnamese thing... argh!
    and I agree with how you attributed their frivolous spending behaviour, but it's just not an education/good employment thing... it's just that.. there is no need to be frugal when there's money coming your way from the other side of the pond. =|

  • Decrease their allownce

  • : man................. i dunno.... this is a tough call.. but I think there's a limit to it all... people sometimes DO need to learn how to help themselves..

  • "[should i] leave my aunt and our other two aunts who live in the same house homeless or send thousands of dollars to bail her out?"

    i wouldn't be able to cut off the fund and leave them homeless. i would find ways that cause them their problem, which is serial gambling. serial gambling is an addiction. find out why does your aunt gamble. start from there and then have her get help. recovery is a slow process.

    most of all, gambling still happens whether you're homeless or not. money is found somewhere. the real problem is her psychology behind addiction. start there.

  • i understand. we have similar situations in our family both in vietnam and in the US. it is not a matter of them being in vietnam or being here because even if they lived in the same city, the same thing could happen. and with all family problems, these situations are sticky and tangled and without a clear solution.

  • everyone's got one in the family. it's how do you deal with it? what do you value more? money you're wasting, holding up the family name and honor of helping past generations, supporting her addiction because she really loves it, or going against the grain and fighting a technical wrong?
    it's hard for me to tell people when they ask me what to do about stuff like that.  i'm a cut off kind of person. drugs, gambling asking for money, etc, i cut them off. i have no problem doing it either. but i can't tell anyone else what to do, because cutting off entails hurt feelings/severed relationships. what's more important? to me, money and stability over friendships/family relationships.  it's even tougher when it's your significant other's fam.

  • i saw this. my family in vietnam is the same damn way. the only thing is that my dad is the only child here. so he deals with it by himself. his youngest brother is the one who keeps gambling and fucking shit up. my grandmother is the one who gives the money we send to that uncle. :/ 

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